Sometime yesterday evening, I found my way to the police station to report the snatching of my purse. The previous night my purse was snatched as we loaded into our maxi. After Bryan and I made a fruitless (and probably stupid) attempt to run down my assailant, and after I called the police (who didn’t answer), I called to cancel the one credit card I had in my purse and went on to the party.
The following day, I took the time to walk back to the corner where my purse was snatched to find the street name. Though there were no street signs, I discovered two surveillance cameras. This info made me feel a little more secure about bothering to file a report. As I walked to find a security guard on campus, I still couldn’t figure out why I was going. As a person who does not believe in using the police as an answer to everyday problems, I found myself reporting it to avoid incurring any charges for the keys I lost with my purse. I hunted down an on campus cop. I found their mobile unit on the other end of campus, but because their office is “only there for police presence”, (whatever that means) they had to take me to the nearest police station.
As the street where the incident occurred went from Augustine Street, to Wooden Avenue to it doesn’t really have a name, I knew my efforts were growing even more futile. I walked into the small cramped station and proceeded to file my “report” only to find out that what I was filing was a piece of paper to prove to whomever it may concern that I was robbed. When I asked the officer what I needed to do to file an actual claim with his office, he was surprised that I even wanted to bother to do this.
Despite that, I went on to report it. We wasted half the time getting a description of myself. Yes I said of myself, that isn’t a typo. When I asked if I needed to give a description of the purse snatcher I was told they would call me if they found him. They only gave me time to describe the clothes he was wearing yesterday.
I was directed to go back to the on campus security office to make a report. Here the on campus officer wrote my claim on the back of some sort of sign in sheet. In this office I spent most of my time describing why I was in Trinidad and what my purse looked like.
And all for what? I could see that between Bryan and I running down the street, and Sia and the locals searching the complex where the purse snatcher slipped through the fence, all the effort towards finding my purse had been exhausted. All I got out of my reporting experience was about 3 phone calls and a text message from the officer who stole my phone number off of my police report.
And all for what? I had already come to grips with the $30 I lost. Everything else was replaceable.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Friday, July 2, 2010
Fear
Many of the Trinidadians that I have encountered since I arrived here in Trinidad & Tobago have commented on the rise in crime and the lack of safety that has recently become an issue here. Though I understand the unease that comes with an increase of crime, sometimes the discussions seem to allude to a different issue. One instance stands out to me in particular. I was coming out of a Chinese restaurant with a woman, as we got into her car she turned around to look at a young man walking past the restaurant and remarked “I don’t trust those young men.” Something about this bothered me deeply. All I saw was a young black youth, dressed like most of the young black youths that I have encountered since I have been here. What exactly made him untrustworthy? What makes a human being fear-able? As people repeatedly warn our group that this place or this corner is unsafe, who are the one’s we should be afraid of? When does a person go from being a person to being someone to fear and what criteria are we using to make those judgments? What does it feel like to be feared?
Hang em!!!
July 2, 2010 11:33 am
Yesterday, one of the people who work in the Corporation, Rosalind, posed a question to the rest of the employees in works. She asked, what is a potential solution to immediately curb the crime levels in Trinidad and Tobago. The answer, hang them. Of course, as a person who is extremely anti- capital punishment, I was appalled. But to my dismay, my usual arguments against the murdering of ex offenders did not apply here. Hanging is not as expensive as other methods of execution used in America, so I couldn’t pull the “it’s cheaper to keep them than kill them” argument. They also feel that with such low conviction rates, the convictions carried out are just- they do not believe there is a race issue in their criminal justice system. And with such low conviction, how can one even begin talking about recidivism hardening criminals. Stumped I began asking about the cause of crime her. Though this is the lay perception, it calls for a deeper look into the cause. They maintain that poverty is not a major issue. (Though Trinidad is a supposed 3rd world country, I believe that it is relative poverty that leads to crime and so I am not sure whether or not it really is an issue). Also, Trinidad has universal education. SO questions arising are: Is there high relative poverty? And just because there are high educational opportunities does not mean there is high attainment, so what are the attainment levels? I also want to know how race affects criminal justice in Trinidad.
Yesterday, one of the people who work in the Corporation, Rosalind, posed a question to the rest of the employees in works. She asked, what is a potential solution to immediately curb the crime levels in Trinidad and Tobago. The answer, hang them. Of course, as a person who is extremely anti- capital punishment, I was appalled. But to my dismay, my usual arguments against the murdering of ex offenders did not apply here. Hanging is not as expensive as other methods of execution used in America, so I couldn’t pull the “it’s cheaper to keep them than kill them” argument. They also feel that with such low conviction rates, the convictions carried out are just- they do not believe there is a race issue in their criminal justice system. And with such low conviction, how can one even begin talking about recidivism hardening criminals. Stumped I began asking about the cause of crime her. Though this is the lay perception, it calls for a deeper look into the cause. They maintain that poverty is not a major issue. (Though Trinidad is a supposed 3rd world country, I believe that it is relative poverty that leads to crime and so I am not sure whether or not it really is an issue). Also, Trinidad has universal education. SO questions arising are: Is there high relative poverty? And just because there are high educational opportunities does not mean there is high attainment, so what are the attainment levels? I also want to know how race affects criminal justice in Trinidad.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Black Love, According to the Washington Post
*Originally published in the "Talking Drum"
Every few years the Washington Post seems to publish an article attempting to update the world about the status of black love. On Wednesday, March 25, 1997, the Post linked both declining marriage rates and climbing divorce rates to the increasing vulnerability of black men and the economic state of the black population, along with other cultural explanations such as outlook on divorce, etc. The ratio reported then was 772 black men for every 1,000 black women.
By October 8th, 2006, not much had changed. They reported 70 black men for every 100 black women. This article chronicled single black women who were doing everything from going abroad to dating inter-racially in order to overcome the numbers game in search of love.
And now, not a year after the media dubbed Michelle and Barack Obama the new image of black love, the Post is at it again. Most recently, the Post’s December 10th, 2009 article titled “Successful, Black, and Lonely” offered a preview into Helena Andrews’ new memoir, Bitch is the new Black, while focusing in on the outlook of the marriage chances of Black women.
All in all, Society seems to have a lot to say about black love. Newspapers, news programs, Twitter, and Facebook were buzzing with this discussion after this piece was printed. As a result, Black woman are being constantly reminded about their prospects for marriage.
When and why did the marital status of 42% of black woman become news worthy? Especially in a society where other topics about them, such as reports on missing black women, are few and far between. It seems like the media is exasperating the fears many black woman already have. Is the situation becoming worse in perception than reality, and what affect does that have on black women and their relationships?
One situation I experienced hinted that perception and reality may not be in line. At a black woman’s health summit last semester, a group of undergraduate Duke women were asked what they thought the on campus male-female ratio was. Responses went as high as 8 to 1. In reality, the numbers came out to about 2 to 3. Though still outnumber, the numbers were not as nearly skewed as we all thought they were. Is it possible that this scenario is applicable elsewhere?
Making this situation into a newsworthy crisis increases the feelings of urgency that move women to be ultra-competitive towards one another as well as settle for people or behavior that we do not deserve. Though I am not seeking to minimize the issue at hand, I am arguing that articles like these in the Washington Post are bringing the numbers to the forefront for a lot of women, and making the situation look much direr than it truly may be. Predicting that only 75% of black women will find the men of their dreams is not a situation that calls for women to throw hope out of the window. If anything, it does call for us to fight even harder against the causes of this imbalance: incarceration, failed education systems, black on black violence, etc. It is not a call for the finger pointing, blaming, or bitterness that seems to arise during discussions surrounding this issue. There’s no room for this.
After all, Black women have already overcome many things. Whether we decide to fight the imbalance head on, date outside of our race more often, or re-imagine happiness as single women, hope is not lost, regardless of what the Washington Post says.
Every few years the Washington Post seems to publish an article attempting to update the world about the status of black love. On Wednesday, March 25, 1997, the Post linked both declining marriage rates and climbing divorce rates to the increasing vulnerability of black men and the economic state of the black population, along with other cultural explanations such as outlook on divorce, etc. The ratio reported then was 772 black men for every 1,000 black women.
By October 8th, 2006, not much had changed. They reported 70 black men for every 100 black women. This article chronicled single black women who were doing everything from going abroad to dating inter-racially in order to overcome the numbers game in search of love.
And now, not a year after the media dubbed Michelle and Barack Obama the new image of black love, the Post is at it again. Most recently, the Post’s December 10th, 2009 article titled “Successful, Black, and Lonely” offered a preview into Helena Andrews’ new memoir, Bitch is the new Black, while focusing in on the outlook of the marriage chances of Black women.
All in all, Society seems to have a lot to say about black love. Newspapers, news programs, Twitter, and Facebook were buzzing with this discussion after this piece was printed. As a result, Black woman are being constantly reminded about their prospects for marriage.
When and why did the marital status of 42% of black woman become news worthy? Especially in a society where other topics about them, such as reports on missing black women, are few and far between. It seems like the media is exasperating the fears many black woman already have. Is the situation becoming worse in perception than reality, and what affect does that have on black women and their relationships?
One situation I experienced hinted that perception and reality may not be in line. At a black woman’s health summit last semester, a group of undergraduate Duke women were asked what they thought the on campus male-female ratio was. Responses went as high as 8 to 1. In reality, the numbers came out to about 2 to 3. Though still outnumber, the numbers were not as nearly skewed as we all thought they were. Is it possible that this scenario is applicable elsewhere?
Making this situation into a newsworthy crisis increases the feelings of urgency that move women to be ultra-competitive towards one another as well as settle for people or behavior that we do not deserve. Though I am not seeking to minimize the issue at hand, I am arguing that articles like these in the Washington Post are bringing the numbers to the forefront for a lot of women, and making the situation look much direr than it truly may be. Predicting that only 75% of black women will find the men of their dreams is not a situation that calls for women to throw hope out of the window. If anything, it does call for us to fight even harder against the causes of this imbalance: incarceration, failed education systems, black on black violence, etc. It is not a call for the finger pointing, blaming, or bitterness that seems to arise during discussions surrounding this issue. There’s no room for this.
After all, Black women have already overcome many things. Whether we decide to fight the imbalance head on, date outside of our race more often, or re-imagine happiness as single women, hope is not lost, regardless of what the Washington Post says.
The root of the "problem": On my love life
Most of my relationships have been short term disasters. That's an understatement. All of my relationships have been short term, and laced with various levels of disaster. I have never had a serious long term relationship and with the number of men I meet on a regular basis, I had to be really screwing things up somewhere. Somewhere along the line I went completely awry?
The answer came to me as I was analyzing my current relationship with a male friend, thinking to much. I have trained my self to never let my heart rule. Rationalizing every single detail, over thinking every step. All the way to the point where I don't even know what I want in a potential mate anymore. In fact, I don't even have a type anymore. I have trained myself to hold on to every possibility rather than taking the time to pursue a relationship with one person. All my "maybes" get in the way of the men that I should be investing time into, the men I could really fall in love with.
Everybody has become my type, yet I don't give any one an adequate chance to win my attention and keep it all to himself. A fine mess.
If no where else, here the heart should rule. So now, I am going back to basics to figure out what it is that I want. And when I find it, I'm going after it.
*PS "Problem" is in "" because I don't think being single is necessarily a problem. :)
The answer came to me as I was analyzing my current relationship with a male friend, thinking to much. I have trained my self to never let my heart rule. Rationalizing every single detail, over thinking every step. All the way to the point where I don't even know what I want in a potential mate anymore. In fact, I don't even have a type anymore. I have trained myself to hold on to every possibility rather than taking the time to pursue a relationship with one person. All my "maybes" get in the way of the men that I should be investing time into, the men I could really fall in love with.
Everybody has become my type, yet I don't give any one an adequate chance to win my attention and keep it all to himself. A fine mess.
If no where else, here the heart should rule. So now, I am going back to basics to figure out what it is that I want. And when I find it, I'm going after it.
*PS "Problem" is in "" because I don't think being single is necessarily a problem. :)
Thursday, September 17, 2009
THE Angela Davis
Over 65 and still remarkably beautiful at her age, in more ways than one. I got to hear this revolutionary speak in a room of crowded bodies, personal space long forgotten. She sat 15 feet from me. Speaking about the Critical Resistance 10 grass roots movement. Speaking briefly on Obama. Forcing me to inspect myself, my consciousness, and my priorities. I had walked into the Training for Success school feeling nervous and small at the imminent possibility of being in the presence of someone so great.
I left knowing that the person I had been waiting for all along had walked in with me. And that either my dissertation or thesis was probably under my fingers. I also left knowing that my role as a sociologist would be the same as a writer, to make revolution irresistible: through mythbusting, etc.
I left knowing that the person I had been waiting for all along had walked in with me. And that either my dissertation or thesis was probably under my fingers. I also left knowing that my role as a sociologist would be the same as a writer, to make revolution irresistible: through mythbusting, etc.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Oh Kanye
Not going to complain about the so-called Hip Hop nominations, and not about to argue over whether or not what Kanye did was wrong. Instead I choose to dwell on the comments that arose from his act.
The comments have been seen before: "Setting the race back", "Making Black people look bad", "Confimring the idea that we're ignorant niggas."
We, as a people, can't seem to stop self policing. We condone others' right to judge us. This is ridiculous, esp since society will continue to find fuel for their ideologies and stereotypes even if we censured ourselves invisible. Instead of fighting our behaviors can we fight their right to judge us as a group, the right to assume that Kanye's behavior is a product of his race. If that's the case, the guy calling our president a "Liar" was a member of the wrong race.
The comments have been seen before: "Setting the race back", "Making Black people look bad", "Confimring the idea that we're ignorant niggas."
We, as a people, can't seem to stop self policing. We condone others' right to judge us. This is ridiculous, esp since society will continue to find fuel for their ideologies and stereotypes even if we censured ourselves invisible. Instead of fighting our behaviors can we fight their right to judge us as a group, the right to assume that Kanye's behavior is a product of his race. If that's the case, the guy calling our president a "Liar" was a member of the wrong race.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
"We talk on this page"...
As I was walking through the hospital yesterday on my way home from work I came across this poem in a frame on the wall. Langston Hughes' "English Theme B". Loved it but especially this line in particular.
This line reminds me of a concept that comes up over and over again in my english classes: the idea that every book you read is a dialectic between you, the author, the characters, etc. I believe this whole heartedly, in fact, this is why I read so slowly. I can't help but think over every idea, connect the lines on the page to stories or people in my own life, or stories that I have heard before.
It makes me happy to write between the lines on the pages in books. Not only because this is a mark of ownership, but also because when I read the book in the future it will become a conversation between myself, the book, and the thoughts I had when I read originally.
I get to engage with the likes of Toni Morrison, Octavia Butler, Ralph Ellison, and Gwendolyn Brooks on my own terms.
"...I feel that what people bring to my work it at least as important to them as what I put into it." -Octavia Butler
This line reminds me of a concept that comes up over and over again in my english classes: the idea that every book you read is a dialectic between you, the author, the characters, etc. I believe this whole heartedly, in fact, this is why I read so slowly. I can't help but think over every idea, connect the lines on the page to stories or people in my own life, or stories that I have heard before.
It makes me happy to write between the lines on the pages in books. Not only because this is a mark of ownership, but also because when I read the book in the future it will become a conversation between myself, the book, and the thoughts I had when I read originally.
I get to engage with the likes of Toni Morrison, Octavia Butler, Ralph Ellison, and Gwendolyn Brooks on my own terms.
"...I feel that what people bring to my work it at least as important to them as what I put into it." -Octavia Butler
Friday, July 10, 2009
Af Am Section at Borders
So many things in our society contribute to the definition of what is black. This is my personal attack on one of them. The same way the fact that BET has black in its title pisses me off, the African American Section in Borders serves the same purpose. Right there in big letters, they make a statement about what black literature is. And it's not Ralph Ellison, James Baldwin, or Toni Morrison, nope. The first thing you see are those so-called "hip hop" novels (that title is problematic as well). Not downing any one who reads these, to each his or her own, but they do not account for the majority of black literature, so why do they make up the majority of this section? I must admit that Toni Morrison had a novel or two shoved in there somewhere, but can we get equal representation? Can we stop making the statement that black culture is monolithic? I'm going to go back, look the section over one more time, then make a complaint to management, I'll let you know how that goes.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Over and over we link violence to sex
Somehow I settled on this topic to lead me back into the habit of posting.
The other night some of my friends jokingly remarked that I should take a mutual friend to a party, get her drunk, and help her find a guy to "bust it down". I think I threw up in my mouth. Here I was with some of the best and the brightest females from all over the country, and they were encouraging what sounded like rape to me. From the level of intoxication on the females part, to the violent ring the words "bust it down" had to it. I get queasy thinking about it.
Impairing her ability to give consent is an issue for another day. (And trust me I am not dismissing it)
I just wanted to discuss the increasing occurrence of jokes linking sex to violence in my every day life. Phrases like "Bust it", "hit it", "beat it up" never cease to disgust me. Is this what members of our society see sex as today. Conquering pussy.
In our jokes, conversations, songs, continuing to be normalized day by day.
And to hear it in this environment made the words sting even worse...
The other night some of my friends jokingly remarked that I should take a mutual friend to a party, get her drunk, and help her find a guy to "bust it down". I think I threw up in my mouth. Here I was with some of the best and the brightest females from all over the country, and they were encouraging what sounded like rape to me. From the level of intoxication on the females part, to the violent ring the words "bust it down" had to it. I get queasy thinking about it.
Impairing her ability to give consent is an issue for another day. (And trust me I am not dismissing it)
I just wanted to discuss the increasing occurrence of jokes linking sex to violence in my every day life. Phrases like "Bust it", "hit it", "beat it up" never cease to disgust me. Is this what members of our society see sex as today. Conquering pussy.
In our jokes, conversations, songs, continuing to be normalized day by day.
And to hear it in this environment made the words sting even worse...
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Pressure to Conform
it's been a while, I have been swamped with work and class. But I have taken a huge step since my last post...
Just this Saturday, I chopped off all of my perm, and with this exposing of my true self I came face to face with the parts of the dominant beauty standard that I was still holding on to.
I am ashamed to admit this, but deep down, throughout my entire transitioning period, I was a bit relieved to see how wavy my newgrowth appeared. I wasn't quite that "nappy". Well boy didn't God deliver me a surprise on Saturday afternoon. The stylist handed me the mirror and I was just as kinky as the next person. And now I am glad to have to face my own brainwashing head on. Otherwise the process was incomplete. Otherwise I was a hypocrite to every other women I encouraged to do the same.
Now I am dealing with it. First few days feeling quite unpretty. Dealing with the idea that my hair weeds out all of the brainwashed men that would have approached me before, making dating even harder. But I set out to do something much bigger than all of that superficial crap. I must say, it was nice to meet me on Saturday.
Just this Saturday, I chopped off all of my perm, and with this exposing of my true self I came face to face with the parts of the dominant beauty standard that I was still holding on to.
I am ashamed to admit this, but deep down, throughout my entire transitioning period, I was a bit relieved to see how wavy my newgrowth appeared. I wasn't quite that "nappy". Well boy didn't God deliver me a surprise on Saturday afternoon. The stylist handed me the mirror and I was just as kinky as the next person. And now I am glad to have to face my own brainwashing head on. Otherwise the process was incomplete. Otherwise I was a hypocrite to every other women I encouraged to do the same.
Now I am dealing with it. First few days feeling quite unpretty. Dealing with the idea that my hair weeds out all of the brainwashed men that would have approached me before, making dating even harder. But I set out to do something much bigger than all of that superficial crap. I must say, it was nice to meet me on Saturday.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Police Brutality
Just as I am researching the movement for the abolition of prison (please look it up), I find that in march a man from my hometown was beaten to death by police after a car accident!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A car accident! Interestingly enough, the example I was given for reducing the dependency on police was from a woman who fought her instinct to call the police after a car accident. Rodney Wilson is dead, and I hadn't even heard about it. I researched it and most of the news came from a blog. This system is a mess. It's time to be done with it.
Research people research..... Critical Resistance 10, Rodney Wilson, 3 men beat by cops n Pennsylvania...
Now that our media is failing us, we have to educate ourselves. Thank god for the word of mouth. Rodney Wilson,you have made up my mind, I dedicate what I do for this movement from now on to you!!!!!
Monday, May 26, 2008
Kristin Butler's Suma Cum Loony
http://media.www.dukechronicle.com/media/storage/paper884/news/2008/05/15/Columns/Summa.Cum.Loony-3371900.shtml
I have tried to blast this article on the Chronicle's comment page, but that wasn't enough. And as a poster said, the writer is deteriorating strides made to connect the two schools. Any disdain students at NCCC and residents of Durham held for us before, has just been increased. Though I am sure that the writer and most of her supporters could care less. Here are JUST A FEW of the issues I see bursting in between the lines
1. Can you say hypocrite? As if our students hold perfect behavior everyday outside of class. With the massive consumption of alcohol by under age drinkers, the drug use, the unreported, on-campus rapes, the racism that's bubbling beneath several surfaces... The cheating!!!!!!!! Come on
2. I am still amazed at how many people gloss over the wrongs admitted to: the racial slurs, that hateful email...(Not to mention I am curious why this mostly white party ordered up two black strippers)
3. These issues mentioned are not that simplistic. I wasn't planning on going there but as one poster added in response to the semen, how likely is it that there were only team members at that party? Is it possible that she just confused who was on the team? The evidence found, the main one I remember, the broken nail (what did she break it taking her clothes off)
4. Generalizations. Not trying to separate the two individuals from the rest of the school (because I don't think they are bad people at all and do feel that they have earned their degrees), but if you feel that you must, this is a good example of a small group having to represent an entire institution- including all of the people who work there, attend there, and hold degrees. And now you have added to our generalization. Sad enough I have heard rumors that your editors only publish articles that fit their dominant opinions (I hope that isn't true). This article wouldn't make me so angry if I had at least once seen one from the other side of the fence. The views of Kristin and students who share them are ever present. Where are my views? Here on this blog I guess.
I have tried to blast this article on the Chronicle's comment page, but that wasn't enough. And as a poster said, the writer is deteriorating strides made to connect the two schools. Any disdain students at NCCC and residents of Durham held for us before, has just been increased. Though I am sure that the writer and most of her supporters could care less. Here are JUST A FEW of the issues I see bursting in between the lines
1. Can you say hypocrite? As if our students hold perfect behavior everyday outside of class. With the massive consumption of alcohol by under age drinkers, the drug use, the unreported, on-campus rapes, the racism that's bubbling beneath several surfaces... The cheating!!!!!!!! Come on
2. I am still amazed at how many people gloss over the wrongs admitted to: the racial slurs, that hateful email...(Not to mention I am curious why this mostly white party ordered up two black strippers)
3. These issues mentioned are not that simplistic. I wasn't planning on going there but as one poster added in response to the semen, how likely is it that there were only team members at that party? Is it possible that she just confused who was on the team? The evidence found, the main one I remember, the broken nail (what did she break it taking her clothes off)
4. Generalizations. Not trying to separate the two individuals from the rest of the school (because I don't think they are bad people at all and do feel that they have earned their degrees), but if you feel that you must, this is a good example of a small group having to represent an entire institution- including all of the people who work there, attend there, and hold degrees. And now you have added to our generalization. Sad enough I have heard rumors that your editors only publish articles that fit their dominant opinions (I hope that isn't true). This article wouldn't make me so angry if I had at least once seen one from the other side of the fence. The views of Kristin and students who share them are ever present. Where are my views? Here on this blog I guess.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
To Be Or Not To Be... A Problem
Lately, I have been expressing my views more and more, and the result ,lol, hasn't been too pleasant. I've been accused of being a racist, the result of someone not liking what I said on the school newspaper blog and googling me to find out about my intent to participate in a reparation demonstration. I have lost a friend, her choice not mine. I have been called a republican, that one kind of got to me lol(yet their senseless explanation- that I don't really want change because I want to change this completely around???? made me feel better). With the reactions I have been getting and the words that pop up when you google my name, sometimes I wonder how it will affect me later. Will I lose the opportunity to work with a great employer. Coupled with my new "political statement" growing out of my head (Glamour Magazine told a room full of lawyers to leave the political hairstyles, aka the afros and dreads, outside of the courtroom. I can admit I was a little shaken, BUT ONLY FOR A SECOND! Yeah for two seconds I allowed my mind to slip back into colonization, then I woke back up. If a work place won't allow me to express myself completely, I DO NOT WANNA BE THERE! It will be their loss. Especially as a layer, I plan to put my heart into my cases, I will not sugar coat or dim down anything. No more suffocation. No more hiding the covers of my books (Yes I did so for bell hooks Black Masculinity) for fear of someone stereotyping me as a crazy radical or crazy feminist. I am radical and I am a feminist, still learning but still one. And if that makes people nervous then I am sorry for them.
My Air
Every time I bite my tongue I feel like
That thing I was trying to birth
that drops hard in my stomach
Something heavier than me
It hits bottom and begins to expand
Bursting throughout my small body
I feel it creeping to my throat
It hits my mouth, where oddly it all started
But its already been surpressed so it grows
Taking air from me
Blocking all hopes of breathing
Now I know how Qua’daisha’s mother felt
As she stumbled hopelessly in search of her daughter
but was overcome by the loss of air
Passed out before she could make it
No matter how hard her heart pulled
Outside forces caused her body to fail
Her Qua’daisha lied there as her singed soul,
Only ten years old was carried away by angels
Or maybe she did wake to search for her mother
Cried in a corner as her mother laid air-less
Far away
My Qua’daisha is in danger but not yet carried away
And what am I doing
I’m suffocating myself
That thing I was trying to birth
that drops hard in my stomach
Something heavier than me
It hits bottom and begins to expand
Bursting throughout my small body
I feel it creeping to my throat
It hits my mouth, where oddly it all started
But its already been surpressed so it grows
Taking air from me
Blocking all hopes of breathing
Now I know how Qua’daisha’s mother felt
As she stumbled hopelessly in search of her daughter
but was overcome by the loss of air
Passed out before she could make it
No matter how hard her heart pulled
Outside forces caused her body to fail
Her Qua’daisha lied there as her singed soul,
Only ten years old was carried away by angels
Or maybe she did wake to search for her mother
Cried in a corner as her mother laid air-less
Far away
My Qua’daisha is in danger but not yet carried away
And what am I doing
I’m suffocating myself
Sunday, May 18, 2008
King Kong?
Had I not heard about this photo in its current context (with all this King Kong discussion, I wonder if I would have realized. Taking a class on black popular culture (a name somewhat misleading considering it seems to be about black masculinity in the media) I am struggling with deciding how consciously these decisions are made. It's obvious that it looks like the huge black beast was about to run away with the poor damsel. At least she's still smiling. Especially since there is a stereotype that black athletes move on up and date white women. I find it hard to believe that the directer of the shoot planned to fit the black male stereotype, but if I was the director I would have considered the possibility. When Lebron walked on that photo shoot that director should have been fully conscious of the black male's type cast in the media. Especially since that was the black male to ever appear on Vogue! Come on, not only is it long overdue but could you at least do it right. There is no excuse. With the damage that these images create, there is no room for "I didn't know"'s.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
To some members of the gangs at home
Sweet brown baby probably played in the streets the day before
Made her mom a mother's day card
Looked hopefully toward the summer
When school would be out and her days would belong to her
Probably knew to duck when bullets flew
Or maybe her mother kept her indoors most of the time
Like my mother did
Safe in the refuge of home
On walnut ave where I used to skip track practice
Around the corner where my cousins lived
Lil Qua'Daisha, ten years old asleep in her bed
Didn't wake up when the smoke covered her head
Mother passed out before she could save her love
The product of her womb
On mother's day, a mother lost her motherhood
Second time you burned a house, complete with children, to prove a point...
I am not talking to all of you, just the ones responsible. No one loves you more than I. I always give you the benefit of the doubt. I don't stereotype you. But what the fuck did she do to you?
Part of the reason why I didn't come home is because I feel helpless. When I told one of you that, all he said was I would be safe, no one would bother me. It's not about fear. It's the fact that I do not want to pick up another news paper and hear about another child who's face was blown halfway off by a stray bullet, or another execution, another father hit with a bat, another classmate murdered, another high school valedictorian who can't deliver his speech because there is a target on his head... I am running from the feeling of responsibility. I do not know what else to do yet. Thank you for bringing out my cowardice.
Made her mom a mother's day card
Looked hopefully toward the summer
When school would be out and her days would belong to her
Probably knew to duck when bullets flew
Or maybe her mother kept her indoors most of the time
Like my mother did
Safe in the refuge of home
On walnut ave where I used to skip track practice
Around the corner where my cousins lived
Lil Qua'Daisha, ten years old asleep in her bed
Didn't wake up when the smoke covered her head
Mother passed out before she could save her love
The product of her womb
On mother's day, a mother lost her motherhood
Second time you burned a house, complete with children, to prove a point...
I am not talking to all of you, just the ones responsible. No one loves you more than I. I always give you the benefit of the doubt. I don't stereotype you. But what the fuck did she do to you?
Part of the reason why I didn't come home is because I feel helpless. When I told one of you that, all he said was I would be safe, no one would bother me. It's not about fear. It's the fact that I do not want to pick up another news paper and hear about another child who's face was blown halfway off by a stray bullet, or another execution, another father hit with a bat, another classmate murdered, another high school valedictorian who can't deliver his speech because there is a target on his head... I am running from the feeling of responsibility. I do not know what else to do yet. Thank you for bringing out my cowardice.
Tupac, Juice, and "I ain't shit"
Watched this movie many times, but it wasn't until today that this quote deeply saddened me. Previously, I saw a young black murder discussing how low he was. Now, I see a young black man and a strong symbol of hiphop, telling the world that he ain't shit, and ain't never gonna be shit... Telling the world that he doesn't give a fuck. Telling the world that he will decide whether or not his friend is ever gonna be shit. How many times have I told the world that I ain't shit and that niggas ain't shit... I did it just the other day as I changed my away message to "Fuck niggas, get money." Yes I said it. Mad at one black man and condemned them all... Guess I still have some growing to do.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Plastic Surgery
Bullshit!!!!! I have heard the best excuses...that it makes you feel better about yourself, that it saves you from the cruelty of others...WHATEVER! Instead of spending all of this money to make people "beautiful", instead of making plastic surgery into a humanitarian effort, how about we spend that money on changing the world's obsession with superficial characteristics. Stop falling for this bullshit. And now people have the nerve to write a book for children to help them cope with their mother's plastic surgery. It's called "My Beautiful Mommy". Please don't put our children through that. What in the world is happening to ourselves?
Friday, April 25, 2008
Sean Bell
I tried. I tried so hard to read several newspaper articles in order to pin down the truth. That way I could remain unbiased. I dont know if the testimony summaries I read confirmed what I believed or if my vision was too clouded still. I remembered the morning that his face was on the cover of the newspaper. I remember why I cried. It was just as my conciousness was waking up. I cried for his fiance, who lost the love of her life before one of the biggest days of her life. For the rest of the family. I tried to decide what really mattered. I tried to put myself in the place of the officers, to decide what I would have done. I tried to give them the benefit of the doubt. But then I wondered, what was it that made two officers feel so much more threatened than the others that they had to pull the trigger so many more times than everyone else. I wondered if I had a gun, would I remember whether or not I pulled the trigger, emptied bullets into a human being. I wondered if I was afraid and was anouncing to a "dangerous man", how loud would I scream to make sure he knew I was an officer. My answer, loud as hell. Everyone on the block would know I was legit. No eyewitness would have a doubt. If someone was "chasing" me with a car my ass would be too busy running to shoot. And I wouldn't turn my body on autopilot, I would know what was goin on. More questions, how many crime scenes are messed over, was this one taken care of so sloppily because of its nature or is that the routine procedure. How could they not find any sort of recklessness in this case? Why aren't reasons, detailed explanations, given in cases like this? Why aren't we rioting? Why aren't I rioting? What do I do know? My heart will break the day my little brothers are pulled over by the police. Don't they see that its things like this that make us streotype, hate, and fear them. I hate them for the way the treated me once. They make me nervous with their presence. What am I to do?
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