Black Love, According to the Washington Post

*Originally published in the "Talking Drum"
Every few years the Washington Post seems to publish an article attempting to update the world about the status of black love. On Wednesday, March 25, 1997, the Post linked both declining marriage rates and climbing divorce rates to the increasing vulnerability of black men and the economic state of the black population, along with other cultural explanations such as outlook on divorce, etc. The ratio reported then was 772 black men for every 1,000 black women.
By October 8th, 2006, not much had changed. They reported 70 black men for every 100 black women. This article chronicled single black women who were doing everything from going abroad to dating inter-racially in order to overcome the numbers game in search of love.
And now, not a year after the media dubbed Michelle and Barack Obama the new image of black love, the Post is at it again. Most recently, the Post’s December 10th, 2009 article titled “Successful, Black, and Lonely” offered a preview into Helena Andrews’ new memoir, Bitch is the new Black, while focusing in on the outlook of the marriage chances of Black women.
All in all, Society seems to have a lot to say about black love. Newspapers, news programs, Twitter, and Facebook were buzzing with this discussion after this piece was printed. As a result, Black woman are being constantly reminded about their prospects for marriage.
When and why did the marital status of 42% of black woman become news worthy? Especially in a society where other topics about them, such as reports on missing black women, are few and far between. It seems like the media is exasperating the fears many black woman already have. Is the situation becoming worse in perception than reality, and what affect does that have on black women and their relationships?
One situation I experienced hinted that perception and reality may not be in line. At a black woman’s health summit last semester, a group of undergraduate Duke women were asked what they thought the on campus male-female ratio was. Responses went as high as 8 to 1. In reality, the numbers came out to about 2 to 3. Though still outnumber, the numbers were not as nearly skewed as we all thought they were. Is it possible that this scenario is applicable elsewhere?
Making this situation into a newsworthy crisis increases the feelings of urgency that move women to be ultra-competitive towards one another as well as settle for people or behavior that we do not deserve. Though I am not seeking to minimize the issue at hand, I am arguing that articles like these in the Washington Post are bringing the numbers to the forefront for a lot of women, and making the situation look much direr than it truly may be. Predicting that only 75% of black women will find the men of their dreams is not a situation that calls for women to throw hope out of the window. If anything, it does call for us to fight even harder against the causes of this imbalance: incarceration, failed education systems, black on black violence, etc. It is not a call for the finger pointing, blaming, or bitterness that seems to arise during discussions surrounding this issue. There’s no room for this.
After all, Black women have already overcome many things. Whether we decide to fight the imbalance head on, date outside of our race more often, or re-imagine happiness as single women, hope is not lost, regardless of what the Washington Post says.

The root of the "problem": On my love life

Most of my relationships have been short term disasters. That's an understatement. All of my relationships have been short term, and laced with various levels of disaster. I have never had a serious long term relationship and with the number of men I meet on a regular basis, I had to be really screwing things up somewhere. Somewhere along the line I went completely awry?
The answer came to me as I was analyzing my current relationship with a male friend, thinking to much. I have trained my self to never let my heart rule. Rationalizing every single detail, over thinking every step. All the way to the point where I don't even know what I want in a potential mate anymore. In fact, I don't even have a type anymore. I have trained myself to hold on to every possibility rather than taking the time to pursue a relationship with one person. All my "maybes" get in the way of the men that I should be investing time into, the men I could really fall in love with.
Everybody has become my type, yet I don't give any one an adequate chance to win my attention and keep it all to himself. A fine mess.
If no where else, here the heart should rule. So now, I am going back to basics to figure out what it is that I want. And when I find it, I'm going after it.

*PS "Problem" is in "" because I don't think being single is necessarily a problem. :)